Does anyone have any advice about letting your loved ones know that you have OCD, and in particular partners? I would be interested to hear from people who suffer from OCD and have had to share this or from people who have been told.

I am in the process of organising treatment but at this stage I have only shared this with my doctor. I think my girlfriend of three years would be understanding but my biggest fear is that she will not see me in the same way or that it will cause her to end the relationship (given the nature of the intrusive thoughts I experience). I don't want to risk that so sometimes think that it would be better to keep this to myself.

Hi Julie. Thanks for your reply and kind words. It's very helpful being part of a community where we can learn from each others experience.

I would like to start by sharing a small insight into what I am going through. However, it seems what I have is pure-o OCD. Therefore it's only really intrusive thoughts and all of it seems extremely horrible, weird and unacceptable (i didn't think I could be capable of these thoughts).

I do agree with what you said in an early show - if you're going to spend the rest of your life with someone, it's only fair they should have an awareness of what we are experiencing and what they could be getting into.

having Pure O makes things even more difficult when that is what your dealing with because it's all taking place inside your head and there are no obvious compulsions to speak of like with other aspects of OCD. i know just how intrusive those thoughts can be and i know how much they can mess with your head because just thinking you are capable of such thoughts makes you believe you are a terrible person. you are not a terrible person though, just a person struggling with one of the most difficult disorders out there. please know that you're not alone. i hope the simple fact of knowing that there are lots of us that struggle with the same thoughts helps. i think once you are able to share your difficulties with others you will be amazed at the support and encouragement of those around you...i know i have been. :)

Hi Brett,

I agree with Julie in sharing this with your girlfriend. I told my partner earlier this year about me and it's the best thing I could have done. He is so understanding and has been able to help loads esp by telling me a lot of these thoughts are normal as he gets them too and does not have OCD!

I have been told to look at my OCD as anxiety and it is amazing how this has helped. I have begun to work at what it is that makes me anxious rather than what makes me have these thoughts. Also in some way if you share them with someone it makes it easier in your head as it can be as if you are fighting back against the OCD and the thoughts begin to become smaller as when you share them you are proving to yourself that it is just a thought and by talking about it even you don't believe it. Hope this of some help and makes sense!

I have a friend who also told me the only difference between OCD thoughts and "normal" thoughts is that we attach meaning. A survey proved that the thoughts OCDers have are no different to the everyday thoughts of people without OCD but the differnce is we attach meaning and give it a label, e.g. that must make me a . . . or if I think that then that measn I am a . . . etc. Begin to tell yourself it's just a thought, it's just a thought.

I hope this helps, I just felt the need to reply as I don't like to think of someone else struggling. Julie has helped me lots over last few months by making me feel so normal as we have lots in common so I hope I can help someone else in some way too .

Hi Brett,

I would agree with what Julie and L said as well. I basically have Pure O obsessions which I didn't really understand until I was in therapy. I hit a real low spot when my boyfriend (we are now engaged) went on a long trip to a third world country. During that time, I realized that I needed help. I was not exactly "right" when he returned. I started therapy and couldn't tell him. When I finally did, I said that it involved issues that I couldn't discuss at the time - though I hoped a time would come. He gave me space and gently encouraged me that he would be ready when I was ready. I know that a big part of my therapy was telling him. At first, I didn't even want to tell my doctor and asked my therapist if she would. She didn't agree to it and encouraged me to do so. As months continued, I finally did share more and more with him. I read an online page about OCD with him. I will say that it was a bit scary for him - was for me as well. I'll never forgot when he said to me - that real men fight for the women they love. He was willing to fight to help me become well. Now, we joke about my OCD all the time. He's watched me embrace my fears. If it wasn't for him, I don't really know if I would have walked down the road to seek help. I realized that a marriage to him or anyone would never really work unless I was willing to do the work on my own.

I hope this helps. You are not alone. I can assure that I've had some of the same obtrusive thoughts that you have. Hang in there. It's just a thought. "It's not me - it's my OCD!" I tell myself that all the time.

J

What a lovely story Jennifer, your man sounds like mine! It's sometimes scary to accept though as my OCD at times tells me I don't deserve someone to understand and his love and support takes me by surprise. I am slowly learning to accept but this is most definitely the hardest thing.

I am pleased to read a nice ending, sometimes my brain doesn't let me get that far and I see no happy endings but your story gives me hope!

Fortunately this time I am so focussed on getting better, not only for me but also for him. I want us to work and I know it is now down to me, it is just so reassuring to have him supporting me along the way. We also joke about my OCD and this definitely helps lighten the mood, after all at times it isn't such a bad thing as it means he can rely on me to organise/tidy/remember etc so he takes the good with the bad!!

Thank you so much to everyone for sharing your stories. I don't know whether I will be ready to share with my partner and family straight away but it does help to hear that people have shared their struggles / fears with partners and benefited as a result. This shows the value of the community that Julie and Andy have created.

B

Brett, I know how scary it can be to share your pure-o thoughts with loved ones. Maybe if you gave your girlfriend some information about pure-o first she could be sort of prepared for what your thoughts are and the information can explain how you are not in any danger of ever acting on these thoughts. They just torture you because you are probably an extra-sensitive, good person. That's the biggest irony of all of it!! I too had trouble sharing my thoughts with my husband but found him to be very supportive. We judge ourselves the most harshly. GIve yourself time to decide what is right for you but know that you are not alone in this horrible disorder. Pure-O is so isolating and terrifying and it feeds off of our fear. Talking about it takes some of that fear away and that is why this community is so important. Good luck! Shannon